“If God existed, I wouldn’t have suffered so much”

Talita Teixeira thought that way for years, but when she met Him she realized how wrong she was

For years, e-commerce assistant Talita Teixeira, 23, lived with the pain that abuse caused her. “I was molested when I was 12 by someone close to me. At the time, I had no reaction and I panicked. I started to hate who did this to me and I grew up rebellious, I started blaming my family for not protecting me and taking out that pain on everyone at home. There was no good coexistence between us, as I no longer trusted or could feel love for anyone. I just felt angry. As the anger grew, I wanted harm from those who wanted my good. I completely turned my head: I, who didn’t give my parents trouble, started to do it. My nickname was ‘demon of the family’. I heard that if I didn’t exist, no one else would have a problem. So I told myself I would end it and kill them. I have three brothers and I am the youngest daughter. I grabbed a knife and thought about doing this while they slept. However, when I came to my senses, I ran to the bathroom and started hurting myself: I cut my wrists thinking I could ease the pain. Thoughts of suicide began to exist and increased. I thought it was my fault and that, because I went through all that, God didn’t exist,” she says.

As time went by, she sought some relief in parties and addictions. “What no one imagined was who was  the real Talita behind that search. I was empty, needy, I needed to be surrounded by people and acceptance. Furthermore, I suffered from insomnia constantly. I had complexes and imagined that I would never be happy. Therefore, I had no dreams of getting married or having a family. These expectations never existed and there would be no reason for it, as I thought everyone would end up in a coffin.”


Only when Talita agreed to spend the holidays at a cousin’s house did she understand that her story could take a different direction. “Eight years ago, this cousin, wisely, started inviting me to go to Universal Church and I accepted. I went for the first time on a Sunday. I remember I said I would sit on the last benches and I was very arrogant. I was prejudiced against the Church, based on everything I had heard. During the prayer, I resisted closing my eyes, until I heard God himself speak to me through the pastor, who said: ‘How long will you be proud and not recognize that you need help?’ I thought: ‘Who does he think he is? He doesn’t even know what I’m going through!’ But, automatically, he responded to everything I said in thought, even when I thought I couldn’t talk to God, because He wouldn’t hear anything good about my life. But, when I closed my eyes and tried to say everything that was happening, I felt peace,” she reports.

She notes that it was the first time she cried over everything that had happened. “I tried to be a strong person. For me, until then, God had died. He was in heaven and I was on earth, alone. I told Him that, for me, He did not exist and that, if God existed, I would not have suffered so much. I said, in prayer, that I didn’t know what it was to love my family, that I only felt contempt and hatred and, if He really existed, I wanted an opportunity to change my life.”

She says that, that night, she managed to sleep. “I even thought: ‘that place is bad, but it did me good. I think there is God there. After a month, I decided to be baptized in water, but it was difficult for me to forgive those who hurt me and forgive myself,” she highlights.


Talita spent four years attending Universal, but keeping inside those bad feelings. “When the Fast of Daniel came, my penny dropped,” she says. The Fast of Daniel is a purpose that helps the participant abstain from secular information and entertainment to focus on spiritual strengthening.

Talita reports what happened to her: “my thirst for God began to grow and I recognized that I needed help. The truth is that I didn’t feel worthy of the Holy Spirit and that, in my head, God couldn’t dwell in me.”

These thoughts were rejected as she insisted and grew closer to God through reading the Bible, meetings, and private prayers. “I ate and slept thinking about the Holy Spirit. I began to express my need to Him and soon the Holy Spirit became not a distant Person, but Someone who was close to me, but I needed Him within me. My thoughts changed and I asked for forgiveness from everyone I felt hatred towards. The list was long. It was on the last day of Daniel’s Fast, on the 1st. May 2022, that I received Him. I felt great peace and joy! I received the greatest wealth of my life,” she says.

Today, Talita can talk about the transformation that only the Holy Spirit is capable of: “I, who hit my mother, am now an example for my family. A daughter who hits her mother is a monster and I hurt her a lot. She even said that she didn’t understand who I had become and that, now, she sees in me a person she never saw in her life. We go out together and we are real friends. I’m someone else,” she concludes.